then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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