I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
