I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
