I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
