he thought i was a dude.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
