remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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