If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
