hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
