So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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