I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
