I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
