you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Your penis caused this!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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