she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize