Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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