His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
