Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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