The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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