Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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