It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
pray to the hookup gods
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
