Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
