I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
