You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
barbara walters just said penis...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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