Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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