I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I need to stop coming to work sober
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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