if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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