the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Even my vagina gasped.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
