"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
