I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
