Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just forgot I was standing up.
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