He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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