one word: firstdatebathroomanal
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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