Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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