she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
