oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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