Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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