Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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