i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
