you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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