Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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