So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
