Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
