...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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