just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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