So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
