you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
pray to the hookup gods
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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