Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
