apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
