Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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