Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
