go do what you do best...puke behind churches
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's blow job season.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
