this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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