i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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