His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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