I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm bleeding and have questions
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
