final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I've blown a few things in my day
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize