So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
