I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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