i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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