woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
