That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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