Me too!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
