I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
