i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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